When I first got married, I thought I had it all figured out. I mean, we were in love, right? That should be enough to make everything work.
But what I quickly discovered is that marriage is much more than just the romantic moments or the excitement of saying “I do.” It’s a long-term commitment that requires patience, understanding, and a lot of hard work.
Over time, I realized that there are certain behaviors and patterns, often referred to as “deal breakers,” that can seriously damage a marriage if left unchecked.
I wish someone had shared these with me earlier, and that’s why I’m here to share my experience with you.
From my personal journey and research, here are 20 Marriage Deal Breakers that should be avoided to help keep your relationship strong and lasting.
1. Consistent Lies
I’ll never forget the time when my partner lied to me about something small. At first, I brushed it off as no big deal, thinking it was just a harmless white lie. But as time passed, I realized that this small lie was the beginning of a much bigger problem.
One lie turned into more lies, and I started feeling disconnected and uncertain. Trust is everything in a marriage. It’s the glue that holds everything together. When lying becomes a habit, no matter how small the lie, it creates cracks in that trust.
Even the tiniest fib can eventually lead to major consequences, building a wall between you and your spouse. The more trust is broken, the harder it is to rebuild.
Being open and honest with your partner is essential. No matter how difficult it may seem, always prioritize truth and transparency in your relationship to maintain that deep sense of connection and trust.
2. Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most devastating things that can happen in a marriage. I can tell you from personal experience that once trust is broken through cheating, it feels like the foundation of the entire relationship has crumbled.
Whether it’s physical infidelity or emotional betrayal, the impact can be just as painful. When you’re not happy or feeling disconnected, cheating might seem like an easy escape, but it only causes more harm in the long run.
Communication is key. If something is bothering you, talk to your spouse rather than seeking comfort elsewhere. Marriage should be a safe and honest partnership where both people feel valued and heard.
Staying faithful to one another creates a deeper bond, built on mutual respect and love. If you’re struggling, remember that it’s always better to confront the issue together than to make decisions that could destroy the relationship.
3. Lack Of Trust
Trust is not just about fidelity. It’s about being reliable, transparent, and consistent. If trust is missing, every little thing will start to feel suspicious. You’ll find yourself questioning your partner’s every move, and they’ll feel like they can’t be open with you.
A relationship without trust is like a house without a foundation it can crumble at any moment. When trust is absent, everything becomes fragile. No matter how much love there is, without trust, it’s hard to build a strong future together.
To avoid this deal breaker, both partners need to show that they can be relied on, that their words and actions align, and that they can be honest with each other. Always aim to be the kind of person your partner can count on and encourage them to do the same.
4. Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is a deal breaker that should never be tolerated in any marriage. It doesn’t matter what the reason is no one should ever feel threatened, hurt, or unsafe in their relationship.
Marriage is meant to be a partnership where both people feel loved and protected. If physical abuse is part of the equation, it’s important to understand that this is a serious issue that requires immediate attention.
Nobody deserves to live in fear, and leaving or seeking professional help is necessary for the safety and well-being of both individuals.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, please reach out to someone you trust and get the help you need. Remember, your safety comes first.
5. Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse, but it often goes unnoticed because it’s not as visible. It can involve belittling, manipulation, controlling behavior, or constant criticism.
Over time, this type of behavior can wear down a person’s self-esteem and make them feel trapped in the relationship. If one partner constantly undermines the other, the emotional toll can be immense.
Marriage should be a place where both people feel supported, respected, and loved. Mutual respect and kindness are crucial. No one should have to deal with constant negativity or manipulation.
If you notice any signs of emotional abuse in your marriage, it’s important to address it right away. Seek support, communicate openly, and work together to create a healthier dynamic in your relationship.
Biggest Deal Breakers In Marriage
Throughout my own marriage, I’ve come to realize that some issues can sneak up on you over time and slowly start to chip away at the happiness you once shared. These are the moments that can shift the balance in a relationship, turning small cracks into large divides.
Here’s where I’ve learned some important lessons, lessons that you, too, can use to strengthen your marriage and avoid the pitfalls that can easily become deal breakers.
6. Not Thoughtful
It’s easy to get caught up in the rush of daily life work, chores, errands, and everything in between. But taking a moment to show your spouse that you’re thinking about them can mean the world.
Small acts of kindness, like sending a sweet text, bringing them their favorite snack, or simply asking, “How was your day?”, go a long way in building a deep emotional connection. It’s the little things that make your partner feel valued and appreciated. When thoughtfulness is missing, it can create a feeling of neglect.
Over time, this lack of consideration can lead to growing resentment, making it harder to reconnect. So, remember, it’s not about grand gestures it’s about showing that you care every day, in every way, even through the smallest acts.
7. Poor Hygiene
It might seem like a small or even trivial issue at first, but poor hygiene can slowly become a bigger problem in a marriage. When one partner neglects personal hygiene, it can affect the way the other feels about them, physically and emotionally.
It’s not just about the smell or cleanliness; it’s about respect. Taking care of yourself physically shows your partner that you value both yourself and them. If you’re not making an effort to stay clean and fresh, it might start creating tension.
Your spouse may feel unappreciated or even turned off. After all, a marriage is built on respect, and personal hygiene plays a key role in keeping that respect intact.
8. Lack Of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is one of the most important qualities you can have in a marriage. It’s about understanding your actions, recognizing your flaws, and being willing to improve.
If one partner refuses to see their own mistakes or is unwilling to take responsibility for their actions, it can create a wall between you.
Communication becomes difficult, and arguments can feel like endless cycles without resolution. For example, if one partner consistently blames the other or refuses to acknowledge their own part in disagreements, it makes growth impossible.
However, when both partners are open to self-reflection, it builds a solid foundation of trust. A willingness to grow together shows maturity, and it’s a key ingredient for a healthy, thriving relationship.
9. Bad Circle Of Friends
The people we spend time with can significantly influence our attitudes and behaviors. If your spouse consistently hangs out with friends who encourage bad habits, unhealthy behaviors, or negative thinking, it can slowly erode your relationship.
Negative energy, whether it’s from friends who gossip, drink excessively, or engage in drama, can spill over into your marriage. It’s essential to be mindful of the people you both spend time with.
A supportive, positive circle of friends will nurture your relationship, while a toxic group can bring unnecessary stress. Discussing who’s influencing your lives and supporting each other’s friendships is vital for the health of your marriage.
10. Anger Issues
Anger, when not managed properly, can cause lasting harm to a relationship. It’s normal to get frustrated or upset now and then, but there’s a big difference between healthy expression and uncontrolled outbursts.
Yelling, slamming doors, or throwing things, these are signs of unchecked anger. In any relationship, it’s crucial to handle conflict calmly and respectfully. If anger is constantly erupting, it can create fear, hurt feelings, and emotional distance.
Learning how to express frustration without being aggressive or disrespectful is key to maintaining peace in your marriage. Remember, it’s not about avoiding anger, but learning how to channel it into productive conversations.
11. Lack Of Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity isn’t something that happens overnight, but it’s an essential part of a lasting marriage. It means being able to deal with difficult emotions in a constructive way. When one partner is emotionally immature, acting childish, sulking, or avoiding issues. It creates a major roadblock in the relationship.
For example, if one partner constantly plays the victim or avoids serious discussions, it makes it hard to resolve problems.
Emotional maturity means taking responsibility for your emotions, knowing how to apologize when needed, and handling conflict in a way that strengthens your bond.
An emotionally mature spouse is someone who can navigate the ups and downs of marriage without resorting to drama or tantrums.
12. Unhealthy Lifestyle
Your lifestyle choices can greatly impact your marriage. If one partner is living an unhealthy life, whether through poor eating habits, lack of exercise, or addiction to smoking or drinking, it can create a rift.
A healthy marriage involves supporting each other’s well-being, both physically and mentally. If one partner is actively damaging their health, it can cause concern, frustration, and even anger in the other.
Encouraging each other to live a balanced, healthy life not only strengthens your marriage but also helps ensure that you both have a long, fulfilling life together.
It’s important to support each other in making good health choices, whether that’s cooking healthier meals together, exercising as a couple, or seeking help if needed.
13. Religion
Religion can be a sensitive topic in marriage, especially if partners have different beliefs. This can become even more challenging if you’re trying to raise children together or make life decisions that are influenced by your religious views.
While differing beliefs don’t have to be a deal breaker, they do require open communication and mutual respect. If one partner feels that their beliefs are not being respected, or if there’s conflict about how to raise children in terms of religion, it can cause tension.
It’s important to have honest conversations about your values and beliefs and find ways to respect and support each other’s perspectives.
Compromise and understanding can go a long way in making this a non-issue in your relationship.
14. Laziness
Laziness in a marriage doesn’t always mean just sitting on the couch all day. It can show up in many different ways. For example, one partner might stop helping with chores, avoid contributing to important conversations, or stop putting any effort into keeping the relationship strong.
It’s really tough when one person feels like they are doing all the work while the other isn’t making any effort. If the lazy behavior continues over time, it can create feelings of resentment and even distance in the relationship.
That’s why it’s so important to communicate openly about expectations and responsibilities.
By working together, couples can keep things balanced and avoid resentment from building up.
15. Financial Irresponsibility
Money is often one of the biggest sources of stress in any relationship. If one partner spends carelessly, refuses to stick to a budget, or has trouble saving, it can cause a lot of problems in the marriage.
Financial stress can impact everything from your future plans to your day-to-day happiness. Imagine planning for a future together, but one person keeps making poor financial choices.
This can lead to major arguments, anxiety, and even trust issues. A successful marriage requires both partners to be on the same page when it comes to finances.
Setting clear financial goals, sticking to a budget, and being transparent about money is key to avoiding this problem.
16. Career Goals
Sometimes, couples find themselves on different paths when it comes to their careers. One partner might be extremely focused on climbing the career ladder, working late hours, or constantly thinking about their next promotion, while the other partner feels ignored or neglected.
This kind of situation can cause resentment and hurt feelings over time. It’s crucial that both partners have open and honest conversations about their career goals and ambitions.
It’s important to find a balance where both people feel valued, supported, and able to pursue their passions. Having shared goals, as well as space for individual dreams, can help prevent career conflicts from damaging the relationship.
17. Kid Or No Kids
The decision of whether or not to have children is one of the biggest decisions a couple will ever face, and it’s often a deal breaker in many marriages. If one person desperately wants kids while the other doesn’t, it can create a huge divide between them.
This issue can be tough because it’s something that can’t easily be compromised. Early on in the relationship, it’s essential to talk about your thoughts on having children.
Are both partners open to the idea? Or do they have different visions for their future? Being honest about this topic before things get serious can help prevent painful situations down the road.
18. Controlling
No one wants to feel like they’re being controlled, and it can be very damaging to a marriage. If one partner tries to control the other, whether it’s deciding where they go, who they spend time with, or how they live their life, it creates a power imbalance.
This behavior can strip away the trust and respect needed for a relationship to thrive.
A marriage should be a partnership where both people feel free to be themselves. When one partner is controlling, it can leave the other feeling trapped and unhappy.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding, not on domination or control.
19. High Maintenance
Everyone has their needs and desires, but being excessively high maintenance can cause tension in a marriage. This doesn’t just mean expecting gifts or attention constantly, it’s about always needing something more to feel happy.
Whether it’s constant demands for affection, validation, or expensive gifts, high maintenance behavior can drain the energy from the relationship.
Relationships should be balanced, with both partners giving and receiving. If one partner always feels like they need to meet unreasonably high expectations, it can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction.
A healthy relationship thrives when both people are supportive without overwhelming each other.
20. Acceptance
A successful marriage is about acceptance. Every person has flaws, and being able to accept your partner for who they are is a huge part of building a strong relationship. If one partner is constantly trying to change the other or can’t accept their imperfections, it creates a toxic atmosphere.
Acceptance is about loving your partner unconditionally, even with their mistakes and flaws. It’s about knowing that nobody is perfect, and that’s okay. If one partner cannot accept the other’s differences or refuses to grow together, it can cause emotional harm.
Real love is about embracing imperfections, not trying to change them.
What Is A Marriage Deal Breaker?
A marriage deal breaker is something in the relationship that one or both partners cannot tolerate. It’s a serious issue that, if ignored or left unresolved, can lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Deal breakers vary from couple to couple, but there are certain behaviors or situations that are often considered non-negotiable. If a deal breaker is crossed, it can lead to serious consequences for the marriage.
What Are The Most Common Marriage Deal-Breakers?
Some of the most common deal breakers in marriage include things like lying, cheating, a lack of trust, physical or emotional abuse, and poor communication.
These issues can tear a relationship apart, as they undermine the very foundation of love and respect. Every couple may have their own specific deal breakers, but these are some of the most commonly recognized by couples everywhere.
How To Identify Your Deal Breakers In Marriage
It’s important to identify your deal breakers early on in the relationship. Think about the things that make you feel uncomfortable, disrespected, or unhappy.
Communication is key here, talk openly with your spouse about what bothers you and listen to what bothers them. By discussing these issues honestly, you can set expectations and avoid future conflicts. Recognizing these deal breakers and agreeing on boundaries early on helps protect your relationship from future harm.
Conclusion
Marriage is a beautiful and exciting journey, but it’s not without its challenges. By identifying and avoiding these 20 Marriage Deal Breakers, you can save yourselves from a lot of heartache down the road.
Every relationship is different, and it’s important to communicate openly and honestly about what matters most to both of you. At the end of the day, love, respect, and understanding are the key ingredients for a successful and lasting marriage.
Remember, no relationship is perfect, but with patience and effort, you can build something strong and beautiful.
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